During her first trip west, the Corporate Cupcake fell flatter than a slab of pita.

Bring on Tony Clement.

But seriously . . . if these are the best candidates these people can come up with, why don’t we just make Paul Martin king for life and be done with it?

Last week, Merchant Princess Belinda Stronach emerged from the most uninspiring talent pool since the Canadian Idol tryouts.

Dave Olecko photos, Business Edge
Belinda Stronach made her pitch last week in Calgary during a western campaign swing

She made a pilgrimage to the cradle of the Reform party, pitching herself as an alternative to the rough-around-the-edges New Conservatism associated with Preston Manning and Ralph Klein.

Stronach’s decision to challenge Clement and Stephen Harper for the leadership of the Reformed Canadian Alliance Church of Regressive Conservatives represents the latest twist in a laugh-a-minute cavalcade of the absurd.

But it won’t do the country a damn bit of good.

Even those of us who’d rather drink Clorox than vote Conservative realize a healthy Canada needs a muscular opposition, fronted by a REAL leader with the chops to make a stab at keeping the Liberals honest.

Do the hybrid Conservatives rise to this urgent challenge?



No. They dredge up a bright, successful, female captain of industry with minimal speech-making skills and no ascertainable ideas or convictions. (Her people confide she’s a protege of Brian Mulroney and Mike Harris. Is this a point of pride or a threat?)

Stronach packed them in at Calgary’s Telus Convention Centre, where 1,300 corporate groupies swooned in the presence of Canada’s most powerful businesswoman.

But they merely sought to touch the hem of her garment in hopes some Magna International gold dust might rub off on their fingers.

She did receive a standing-O for recycling her original declaration speech. But it was sympathy applause for a sacrificial lamb who left an important and influential corporate posting only to become a goat for this chronically star-crossed party.

Stronach is even less suited to political leadership than the relentlessly mediocre Harper, the ex-Canadian Alliance chief whose stolid, bloodless personality makes Data, the Star Trek android, seem like a song-and-dance man by comparison.

Local supporters try to put a positive spin on Stronach’s candidacy.

Belinda’s just getting her feet wet, some argue. Give her a chance to get used to the spotlight.

Besides, look at the attention the party’s getting from the Central Canadian news media . . . better than being ignored, isn’t it?

Well, if we’re talking about being ignored, this party ain’t seen nothin’ yet.

These people have money and corporate clout. So why can’t the Official Opposition scrounge up even one leadership candidate who comes close to matching the deft touch and broad appeal of Jack Layton, head of the federal NDP?

It doesn’t help that more promising newcomers – people such as New Brunswick Premier Bernard Lord – kept their heads down this time around.

Who blames them? They know this half-baked mishmash of strange political bedfellows is destined to bleed big-time at the polls. One familiar face in the Calgary crowd personified a significant irony: He is the one conservative politician who might have made long-term inroads into the Liberal strongholds of Ontario and Quebec. But the top-heavy brains of the Alliance turfed him in favour of Stockwell Day, the most congenitally incompetent party head since Neville Chamberlain.

Had Reform party founder Preston Manning been left alone as leader of the Alliance, it’s conceivable he would have earned a measure of grudging respect from Eastern Canadians by now.

Unlike his successors, he had patience, vision, top-notch parliamentary skills and a capacity for statesmanship.

But Manning’s time has passed and King Paul has already hijacked every plank from the traditional Conservative election platform.

While Ms. Stronach tells her audiences she wants to restore good relations with the United States, Martin sits back and crows: “Been there, done that.”

He cuddles up to Klein, banters with Bush and extends olive branches to corporate Canada while the Conservatives spend a fortune reminding the country they don’t have the depth or the talent to compete.

How could anyone seriously suggest that a candidate with zero political tickets and a marginal grasp of French could draw flies – let alone voters – in Quebec?

How could anyone seriously believe that an electorate that practically laughed Mike Harris’s designated successor out of Ontario would do an about-face to embrace Big Mike’s latest protege, male, female or android?

No matter who wins this irrelevant leadership race, Canada loses. Again.