Twenty years ago, Maureen Wagner tried bringing professional men together to talk about their feelings about relationships.

Not a soul was interested – or at least brave enough to attend.

Recently, she tried again. This time 23 men showed up.

“These were professionals from all walks of the business world,” says Wagner, a Calgary matchmaker. “They were talking about their lack of relationships.

Maureen Wagner says many men don't wish to appear desperate.

“If I could make one observation abut today’s environment, it’s that there are a lot of isolated men out there.”

Single, widowed or divorced, Wagner says that men, especially those 45 and older – and those in management positions – are especially vulnerable to loneliness.

Yet many women are available. Wagner notes that she turns down eight to 10 women over the age of 40 each week who want to use her service because she just doesn’t have enough male subscribers to make matches.

As president of Empresario Matchmaker Inc., Wagner has been playing Cupid for 20 years in Calgary. She estimates her matchmaking skills have resulted in 1,800 marriages.

Listening to Wagner, it’s easy to see she genuinely takes heart in her job. But she worries that today’s workplace is keeping far too many people from finding happiness.

It’s her observation that many business people just refuse to date anyone in their company, or for that matter anyone connected to their industry.

That personal code of ethics means workers spend 10 hours a day at work with strong rules regarding who they allow into their lives. They effectively close the doors to many potentially good relationships.

“So many people have this mask,” she says. “They get up in the morning, put on this business face, and it’s on all day.”

The result is that no one knows if an individual is available or interested in a relationship. Wired to our jobs, it’s hard to shake that facade, even after work hours.

As an example, Wagner says she has twice matched people who served together on community boards. Neither knew the other was interested in having a relationship, until they – coincidentally at the same time – used her service.

How does this happen? Business faces aside, Wagner believes people – especially men – don’t want anyone to know that they want someone in their life. They don’t want to look needy, or desperate. And if they do meet someone, and like that person, they don’t know how to flirt, she says.

“We’re terrible at it. We can’t show our emotions and even give a little hint about how we feel.”

She believes men should network with other men and build relationships like many single women do. And they can’t be shy about telling their acquaintances that they are looking for a relationship.

While Wagner dislikes generalizing, she bluntly declares that some men simply ‘don’t have lives.’ Women will do social things together, planning weeks or months in advance. But men, especially singles, are more isolated.

“So if they can meet some other men, they can create some balance . . . they can hold a barbecue and those friends can bring their friends and neighbours. A man needs some balance, so when he does meet a woman, he has a life . . . he isn’t just living in an apartment downtown part-time (and working the rest).”

While Wagner worries about older workers in general, she has no concerns about the younger generation of men and women in the workforce. Younger people have grown up in a culture where groups of male and female friends do a variety of things together.

“Young professionals have lots of good friends. They bring a culture of freedom and choice. They know how to talk about how they feel, and have a great sense of independence.”

The women she helps through Empresario are typically independent as well. More organized than men, these women have their lives together. They are self-sufficient. If they have children they have nannies or babysitters who allow them to socialize on weekends and evenings. And in many cases, like their male counterparts, they work too hard.

Unlike men, these women don’t hesitate to seek help. “For men, it takes so much courage to come and see me,” she says. “I live with cancellations.”

Many men wrestle with themselves. They cancel, she says, because they question why they need someone to find them a woman. In reality, they’re afraid.

They’re afraid of failing. And they worry about what happens if they do meet the right match because making a commitment isn’t an easy thing.

“I also see a lot of concern over money,” Wagner says. “People today have a lot of money and they are cautious.”

Nevertheless, when most men do come forward, they are ready for the service.

“I’d say they are pretty progressive. They’ve done some counselling around their past relationships or grief and they have a sense of who they are.”

These lonely hearts quite often are men at the top of the corporate ladder, senior managers and owners who do little more than work.

“They’ve got excellent people skills, are confident and outgoing. They hold their own in a social setting. Some of them are great cooks.”

All they really lack, she adds, is a relationship.

(Mike Dempster can be reached at miked@businessedge.ca)