It's not always easy to talk about, but staying silent on domestic abuse is hurting more than just the home front. It's affecting our schools, our communities and even our workplaces.

"One in two Canadian women will be abused by an intimate partner in their lifetime and three in five school-age children have witnessed their mother being abused, so if you're an employer, your employees are being affected by this," says Theresa Rothenbush, communications manager of the Calgary Women's Emergency Shelter.

"Ethically, we all have a responsibility to act but, generally, we only deal with health issues because they impact our bottom line, and family violence is impacting the bottom line in a big way."

Government estimates put the cost of domestic abuse at more than $4 billion each year in lost wages, social services and health-care costs. Yet, despite the growing financial toll, domestic violence is still a taboo subject in many workplaces.

"It's not an issue people want to talk about, but we have to talk about it," says Rothenbush.

"Not only do the effects of family violence spill over into the workplace, but a large number of people suffering abuse from their partners are actually abused at work."

In fact, 70 percent of domestic abuse victims in Canada are also abused by their partners when they're on the job, according to the Alberta Council of Women's Shelters.

From abusive phone calls to stalking and even violence in the workplace, experts say domestic abuse can be incredibly disruptive - not just for the victim, but also their co-workers.

For the victims, domestic abuse can cause emotional instability, loss of concentration, decreased productivity, increased absenteeism and, in many cases, reliance on medication and alcohol to cope.

"Victims of family violence basically have strategies to survive," says Rothenbush. "It could be using drugs or alcohol to escape, shutting down their emotions, tuning out, sleeping all the time or not at all if they're afraid, and sinking into a depression - all of which have a further impact on productivity and absenteeism."

In the workplaces of abusers, the bullying behaviour at home can sometimes spill over to interactions with co-workers, bosses and customers.

That was the case with Bob Smith (not his real name), a 67-year-old truck driver with anger issues.

"I remember right back to when I was a kid being a bully and I carried it on (in my adult life) with mental abuse," Smith admits. "It took me three marriages to figure out I was the one with a problem, not my wives, and that my (behaviour) was abusive."

Smith says he took his problems to work, getting into arguments and shouting matches over the smallest things and quitting jobs as soon as something went wrong.

It took hitting rock bottom after an unsuccessful suicide attempt three years ago for him to finally admit he had a problem and get help.

"I was still denying my abuse in the hospital," says Smith. "I blamed everyone else for my problem but me, until I finally admitted I was saying those mean things to my wife.

"I never hit her, but I sure did hurt her and it wasn't her fault - I was the one with the problem."

Counselling helped Smith save his marriage. And by changing his behaviour at home, he also saw a big change at work.

"I've had lots of instances at work where I would have blown up at my fellow workers, but I've handled it in a better way," Smith says.

"I've learned how to deal with my anger - we all have buttons, but I've learned they're my buttons and I'm not going to let anyone else push them."

For many domestic abusers, those buttons only get pushed at home.

Unlike Smith, who exhibited warning signs at work, other domestic abusers do a good job of hiding their anger from co-workers, friends and even other family members.

"The problem many victims face is that no one believes them because their partner only shows his anger at home," Rothenbush says.

"You can have an exemplary worker who is abusive at home, so it's important for people to realize that the person who appears very nice could be very abusive at home.

"Some people wear anger on their sleeve, but many others wear it in their pocket."

While the warning signs for abusers may not always be apparent, signs someone is being victimized are generally easier to spot.

Frequent absences, upsetting personal calls at work, regularly working late to avoid going home, changes in work habits, unusually quiet, nervous or jumpy behaviour, and reluctance to take part in staff social events could all point to a problem at home.

Frequent injuries or bruises - especially if the person tries to explain them with "I'm clumsy" or "I'm accident prone" - are often a sign of physical abuse.

However, experts say it's important for employers and co-workers to realize that domestic violence takes many forms.

"For a lot of people, unless there are bruises they don't think violence is going on," says counsellor Christine Berry at the Calgary Counselling Centre. "But if someone is stalking you, verbally abusing you, harassing you or trying to control you, there's a whole lot of violence going on."

If domestic abuse is suspected, a supportive workplace can make all the difference. Expressing concern, being non-judgmental and encouraging the person to seek professional help are good first steps.

"Just saying to a co-worker or employee that you've noticed something is going on with them, and telling them that you're there for them, helps open the dialogue," Rothenbush advises.

"People are ashamed that they're being abused, and that's why we want people to talk about it, because silence is the end product abusers are looking for. They want to maintain control and isolate the victim, so the best thing we can do is make sure people aren't isolated and know that they can come forward."

One Canadian employer doing just that is Scotiabank.

Part of its corporate fundraising in Alberta is for the Calgary Women's Emergency Shelter, which also runs a men's counselling program, and helps more than 12,000 men, women and children each year.

Since starting a charity golf fundraiser for the shelter 13 years ago, bank employees have raised more than $600,000 - and a lot of awareness.

"Domestic violence is a huge issue across Canada and it's something that should concern us all," says Scotiabank vice-president John Kowalski.

"The fact that we support something that perhaps has had a stigma around it helps bring the issue forward ... and lets our employees know that they can talk about it."

Employers can also post community resource and awareness information in the workplace and ask their local shelter to come and speak to staff. If safety is an issue, employers have an obligation to take measures to protect their employees.

Online safety plans can be downloaded from many shelter websites, as well as tips for handling suspected abuse. It's also a good idea to document what's happening and provide counselling for employees who need help.

"One of the (counselling) intakes I just got from a Toronto company actually had on it 'abuse occurring', so people are starting to ask the question," Berry says. "And if you offer folks counselling who are struggling with this, you can really make a big difference."

As for Smith, he's now trying to make a difference by helping new members of his counselling group put their abusive behaviours behind them.

"Men still come to the group and say it's their wife's fault, but until you admit you have a problem, nothing changes," Smith says.

"It's hard work to change. It's hard work to change your attitude when that's what you've been like your whole life, but everything is a choice and you're the one that has to do it."

Resources

* Tip sheet from Alberta government on domestic abuse and the workplace: http://www.alis.alberta.ca/ep/eps/tips/tips.html?EK=7759

* Alberta Family Violence line: 403-310-1818

* General information on domestic abuse and what to do: http://www.neighboursfriendsandfamilies.ca/eng/mainnew.php

* Ontario government domestic violence resource information: http://www.citizenship.gov.on.ca/ owd/english/

* Safe@Work Coalition - domestic violence and the workplace (U.S.)

http://www.safeatworkcoalition.org/dv/whatisdv.htm

* Non-judgmental helpline for victims and abusers run by the Calgary Women's Emergency Shelter - toll-free from anywhere in Canada (866) 606-7233 (Tess van Straaten can be reached at tess@businessedge.ca)