Whether you're the manager of a fleet of semi-trailer trucks or Granny driving her 1982 Toyota Tercel to Tuesday afternoon bingo, you’d probably pause and listen if someone told you about a sure-fire way to
consume less fuel.

How about this?

"Run Your Car on WATER and Gas to Double Mileage," trumpets a gaudy ad. "Convert Your Car TODAY to Run on Water and gas to save over 40 per cent on fuel costs!" "Create your own water hybrid! The conversion WILL NOT void your warranty because it is 100 per cent reversible."

"Whoa!" I said to myself during my stroll through Google. "This is hot stuff!" So I took a closer look. Yep - you could really run your vehicle on water.

According to the "miracle" promoters running this website, it's all based on an "old forgotten science" that is "well documented in U.S. patents."

They showed mechanical drawings that look like part Rube Goldberg and part blueprints to a UFO power plant. And they display glowing testimonials from stalwarts like "Eric, from Wisconsin"; "R.A. Foreman (U.S.A.)"; and "Heelah Cohen (Los Angeles)."

"Alert the media!" I thought, trying to grasp what appeared to have eluded human understanding all this time. I explored and found that they were willing to part with a conversion kit for a bargain US$49.97, compared with the regular price of US$297.

But I paused when I arrived at the order form. Suckers wishing to make their purchase supposedly can do so through bank cards such as Visa, MasterCard and American Express, or through PayPal.

This brought back memories of my years in charge of handling complaints at the Better Business Bureau of Southern Alberta, and how criminals used such tactics to scoop up suckers' personal banking information and sell it for the purposes of identity theft.

So here's a potential double-whammy: First, they con you out of your money; then, they con you out of your personal banking information so they can do it to you again.

Consumer protection agencies have seen it all. "Consumers should know the Competition Bureau has yet to find any fuel-saving device that improves fuel savings as claimed," the Competition Bureau of Canada warned in a recent news release.

Truckers have seen it all, too.

"We've had those presented to us in the industry for years," says Mayne Root, executive director of the Alberta Motor Transport Association. "Most of our carriers are very wary of them."

Root adds his association advises its members to be cautious when presented with such devices. "Don't use it unless you have some sort of proof that it can work," he advises.

"Certainly, most of them don't."

His comments are echoed by Al Rosseker, executive director of the Saskatchewan Trucking Association.

"We've all heard of the carburetor that General Motors and Ford are 'hiding.' If it's too good to be true, it's probably not true," he says, adding his association does not endorse such products. "It's too tricky."

Stephen Laskowski, vice-president of the Ontario Trucking Association, notes there is a clear role for government in researching fuel-saving products that come on to the market. "There are products out there that are as phoney as a three-dollar bill," Laskowski says. "If you're a member of an association, you can talk to your colleagues."

Both Laskowski and his West Coast counterpart - B.C. Trucking Association CEO Paul Landry - say several programs have been launched that are aimed at equipping truckers and fleet operators with sound fuel-saving information.

These include:

* Canadian Trucking Association's enviroTruck program. This consists of tractor-trailers equipped to showcase fuel efficiency tech-nologies (www.cantruck.com).

* SmartWay Transport Partnership, a partnership of the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency and the freight industry that shows ways to increase fuel efficiency (www.epa.gov/ smartway/transport).

* Cascade Sierra Solutions, a U.S.

West Coast organization dedicated to saving fuel and reducing emissions (www.cascadesierrasolutions.org).

"There's real cynicism on the part of our members," said Landry, who is concerned those feelings may interfere with investment in legitimate fuel-saving equipment such as air-deflection shields for trailers and devices that monitor and adjust the air pressure in tires.

In its recent news release, the Competition Bureau said dramatically rising fuel prices prompted it to reissue the warning. " Similarly, the United States Environmental Protection Agency evaluated over 100 alleged gas savings devices and found that none significantly improved gas mileage," the bureau said.

"Some even damaged car engines or caused substantial increases in exhaust emissions."

In recent years, the Competition Bureau has taken enforcement action against fuel-saving device peddlers. These have included proceedings against Econopro, Fuel Saver Pro and Platinum Vapour Injector.

The bureau advises anyone looking for ways to cut fuel costs to be skeptical of fuel-saving devices when significant fuel savings are claimed, claims are difficult for purchasers to evaluate, effusive testimonials are published and claims of government approval are made.

"No government agency endorses gas-savings products for cars," says the Washington-based U.S. Federal Trade Commission (FTC).

It's always fun for law enforcers to try to ferret out these wrongdoers and break all their pencils, but these bottom-feeders have been with us for millennia and they'll likely be with us for many more.

The reason? A sucker continues to be born every minute.

One spectacular example was a Calgary businesswoman who was sent to prison several years ago after losing a large sum of money that she had been managing for charities. She figured she would impress her clients by "investing" the money in what turned out to be a Nigerian swindle. The money disappeared.

Purveyors of fuel-saving devices share several characteristics with colleagues in similar lines of endeavour, such as the sale of phoney medical devices and questionable weight-loss devices or programs.

The authorities have long warned the public about products touted as weight-loss wonders, such as "diet patches," "miracle pills," "fat blockers" and "magnet" pills that "flush" fat out of the body.

Regulators sometimes become disheartened in the face of their inability to stamp out this sort of fraud. However, they find ways to get a laugh while striving to educate the public.

A few years ago, "FatFoe Eggplant Extract," a so-called fat blocker, appeared on the internet.

It promised to be the hottest thing since buttered bread - you could stuff your face to your heart's content with pizza and chocolate cake while "watching the pounds melt away."

"Click Here to ORDER NOW!" the website urged.

Anyone who did so was not asked how they wanted to pay. Instead, they were greeted with a warning by the Competition Bureau and FTC about diet ripoffs.

Certainly food - and fuel - for thought.

(Brock Ketcham is an Edmonton-based writer who specializes in consumer and public policy issues. He can be reached at brock@businessedge.ca)