Just when we thought life in Alberta couldn’t get any sweeter, along comes Krispy Kreme doughnuts, out of Winston-Salem, N.C. These scrumptious, oven-fresh, glazed edibles, baked from scratch, are irresistible. Drooling converts will swear on scripture that they’re better than sex, back rubs, good liquor and winning the hockey pool put together.

Krispy Kreme aficionados tend to be intense, evangelistic loyalists.

The faith and devotion of these born-again zealots transcends social and class barriers. Say it loud: they’re devout and they’re proud.

Lauren Bacall has been spotted with telltale smudges of glaze on her chin. Nicole Kidman goes Cruise-in’ for Krispy Kreme at every opportunity.

KremeKo Inc. photo
The North Carolina-based company plans to make big dough on the Prairies starting this fall.

One legend asserts that a NATO base in Iceland imports Krispy Kreme doughnuts by the gross to satisfy the pastry lust of soldiers and brass.

When a Krispy Kreme store opened in Windsor, Ont., last December, the faithful slowed traffic to a crawl.

There were no hymns of praise, but the St. John Vianney elementary school choir belted out a version of “We wish you a Krispy Kreme” to warm applause.

“When we opened our first store in Mississauga, Ont., we weren’t sure how Canadians would respond,” admitted Judi Richardson, VP of marketing/communications for KremeKo Inc. The company controls Krispy Kreme operating rights for the Prairies, Ontario, Quebec and the Atlantic provinces.

“But people drove up to five hours (from North Bay, Windsor and Moncton) just to make the opening. Our first two customers in Mississauga are talking about getting married in a Krispy Kreme store,” laughed Richardson, who has the easiest job in Canada, i.e., drumming up free publicity for Krispy Kreme.

As a matter of tradition, Krispy Kreme never pays for advertising.

Why would they? There aren’t many holes in this outfit’s marketing strategy.

All Richardson’s team had to do was send out a 330-word news release about proposed western expansion (the first flatland Krispy Kreme will open next fall in an undisclosed prairie city) and newshounds pounced on the story like locusts on a wheat sheaf.

Calgary’s daily broadsheet splashed the breaking news across the front page, then followed up with a fair, accurate and balanced dessert – an in-depth analysis of the health hazards of doughnut overkill.

Also included was a nutritional/ statistical breakdown of Krispy Kreme’s original glazed “signature” doughnut (199 calories, 12 grams of fat), in comparison with Tim Horton’s honey-dipped model, which clocked in at 231 calories and 15 grams of fat.

And now Krispy Kreme is coming to Alberta, Saskatchewan and Manitoba, bent (or so pastry pundits assume) on taking a healthy chomp out of Tim’s market share.

But there’s no need to shed tears for Tim Horton’s, despite recent discouraging words from the North American top banana.

According to Jack Schuessler, chief executive of Wendy’s International Inc. (Tim Horton’s is a Wendy’s subsidiary and generates a third of its parent’s income), the company’s first-quarter bottom line was blindsided by bad weather, a flaccid continental economy and consumer non-confidence. Nor did the war against Iraq and a spike in gas prices help matters, he hastened to add.

But Schuessler stopped short of blaming SARS, pestilence or Krispy Kreme for the company’s one-per-cent increase in earnings – only so-so in comparison to past performance.

Nevertheless, Wendy’s and Tim’s are still fatter than Rush Limbaugh on a fritter binge. They share annual North American sales of more than $8 billion US.

Tim Horton’s will be operating 3,000 Canadian stores within the next few years (currently, the number’s 2,200 with about 160 more in the U.S.)

But KremeKo projects only 40-odd doughnut “theatres” across the Great White North, excluding B.C. Theatres? Yep, that’s the official term – because Krispy Kremes are baked in Big Box factories with start-up costs as high as $2.5 million apiece.

“When you walk into Krispy Kreme, the first thing you see is a glass wall,” explained Richardson.

“Customers look through and watch production from the beginning to the end. It’s quite entertaining – a multi-sensory experience,” she added.

In 1999, writer Charles Fishman visited the Winston-Salem shrine where Krispy Kremes were born more than 60 years earlier. He reported that Americans were buying 11,000 dozen Krispy Kreme doughnuts every hour.

One reason is Krispy Kreme’s near-fanatical quality control, based on an original secret recipe that’s supposedly stashed in a Carolina vault.

Combine the greatest doughnuts on Earth with a brilliant marketing attack, and you’ve got something special – guaranteed to keep the St. John Vianney elementary school choir singing for years to come.