It's the most wonderful time of the year. Right?

Well, it's what those sentimental greeting cards, TV specials, and syrupy holiday tunes tell us. The same ones that stress family ties and, yes, finding the "perfect" gift for that special person.

But the holidays are far from perfect, say two of North America's leading employee assistance providers (EAPs).

In fact, the holidays often set people up for one big fall. As proof, January is one of the busiest times for EAP call centres, when desperate workers flood phone lines seeking help.

Photo courtesy FGI
Gabor Gellert, national manager of trauma services for FGI, says the holidays can be a season of profound loneliness.

"I think you can define the holidays as a time of contrasts and contradictions," says Gabor Gellert, Toronto-based national manager of trauma services for FGI.

"For people who are doing well in business and who are financially successful . . . assuming there aren't a lot of family issues, it can be a festive time."

However, the holidays are also a period when marriages break up and people slip into depression (two relatively common occurrences, says Gabor), when families fight, and people over-indulge, over-spend and generally go over the top.

It can also be a time of profound loneliness. Workers who have been relocated; empty-nesters whose families have moved away; or people who mark the holidays as a sad anniversary - perhaps the death of a loved one or a divorce - are often vulnerable.

"For those people it's a time of contradiction because they are supposed to be happy and festive but it only reminds them that something is missing," says Gellert.

Rod Phillips, Toronto- based president and CEO of WarrenShepell, says relationships and especially finances strain the holiday spirit.

"People are well meaning, but they have to remember that there is a credit card to pay at the end, and that usually lands in January," Phillips says.

"Set limitations on what you'll spend. It'll make January and February more enjoyable because in those months people are talking about putting money away for RRSPs and retirement.”

Gellert and Phillips say that employers and employees have a role to play in ensuring that we come out of the holidays in good shape.

So what can we do to make this the most wonderful time of the year? Here's a holiday suggestion list: For employers:

* Watch for changes in people's behaviour. If they are late for work, withdrawn, working behind closed doors, spending more time on the Internet or not as productive, an employee may be suffering more than just the normal "holiday blues," and moving into depression.

"The key element here is change," Gellert explains. If people aren't themselves, approach them; say you sense that something is going on. Have a conversation. Reach out to people. Ask them if they are aware the company has an EAP program.

* Recognize the cultural and ethnic diversity within your organization. Not everyone celebrates Christmas.

* If you know someone is grieving, respect that. Some employees won't want to attend the office party or put decorations up at their workstation.

* Be realistic in the level of work you expect. Of course it depends on the business, but for the most part there is a chunk of time during the holiday period when people step back a bit, says Phillips.

* Where possible, give an employee an hour on the Internet to shop at work. Or give them a little time off to go and shop.

* Have lunch-and-learns through an EAP provider or an expert who can talk about the holiday and expectations, and tell people that getting the holiday blues is normal.

* Understand that it may take a few days for staff to gear up in January.

* Hold a noon-hour workshop or professional development day at the beginning of January to motivate staff.

* Instead of a traditional office party, hold a bowling event, or charity event or even a hayride. Some people now suffer from seasonal affective disorder (SAD) and getting them out will help.

* Include everyone, make sure those people who work from home or a satellite office feel part of the holiday. Develop a buddy system to keep people connected.

* When buying treats for the office, recognize that some people (for weight or health reasons) may not be able to eat sweets. Consider some healthy alternatives.

* Bosses should be doing walk-throughs, checking in on staff. While performance is the key task of a manager or employer, he or she should be aware of the things that might be contributing to performance-related issues this time of year.

An employee's responsibility:

* Be aware that relationships will be tested. "People spend more time together, and both the good and challenging aspects of our relationships become more obvious," says Phillips. Combined with traffic tensions, store lineups, and pressure to attend or host social functions, there's a "perfect storm" of events that can rock the best relationships.

* Eat and drink in moderation. And exercise.

* Recognize that this isn't the ideal time to try and hash out that 15-year-old feud with your younger brother. Go ahead if you must, but there's already enough pressure associated with the holiday season.

* Look forward, not backward. "We tend to reminisce," says Gellert. "If it's been a bad year, we tend to focus on all the disappointments and failures. It's a time when you kind of reminisce about things you had, the good job, the happy family.”

* Set realistic New Year's resolutions. Planning to shed 20 pounds and read three books a week in January may not be practical. "Set some reasonable objectives so you don't find yourself by Jan. 14 saying that you've failed again," says Phillips, because that, too, is deflating.

Finally, Gellert and Phillips explain that while the workplace may slow down for most of us in the next two weeks, we in fact may be working harder than ever trying to keep astride of the holiday rush.

So, one last piece of advice. Make a list of priorities, check it twice, and set some realistic expectations.

And remember - the holidays are never quite like a Hallmark card.

(Mike Dempster plans to enjoy a relaxing Christmas season with his wife and yellow Labrador Fergus, but can still be reached at miked@businessedge.ca)