Boss, I'm moving to sunny Vancouver. Howe Street's where the action is.

You see, the ground is frozen in my Calgary backyard and I can't wait for spring thaw.

If I can just dig a hole somewhere, I could become part of the gold rush.

I can take a junior mining company public on the TSX Venture, dig a hole, churn out a sunny press release with a cool disclaimer and the stock will rocket 1,000 per cent in less than 55 hours, or less time than the duration of a Britney Spears marriage.

That's where the major kachingos are these days.

No, not in marrying Britney.

In mining.

Oh, what's that? You want to know what happens if the drilling results are the pits?

That's not even possible. I've been reading junior mining press releases and it's better than reading Tony Robbins. About the last 5,000 junior mining press releases I've read on exploration results make me all warm and fuzzy.

Here in Calgary, the oil companies don't know how to party. They're always putting out news about dry holes but in this junior mining boom, there is never a discouraging word, it seems. Virtually every piece of exploration news trumpets grandiose discoveries, usually described as "new high-grade gold veins at depth."

And it doesn't seem to matter where you drill. It can be in Canada, Mexico, Argentina, Bolivia, China, Mongolia, Mars, wherever.

As one who still believes Bre-X can make a comeback in this sizzling gold market, of course I believe every word in every press release.

Why wouldn't these companies give us the straight goods after being warned last November by the B.C. Securities Commission about providing complete and accurate disclosure?

We tip our fedora to the mining geologists who are just under 1.000 in a game that is supposed to have more losses than wins.

The first paragraph of the junior mining news release always says the company is "very pleased" so you can buy the stock after the first paragraph.

The fifth paragraph almost always says they are "very encouraged with the results." And the last paragraph warning about "forward-looking statements" always covers their butts. So I figure if I dig a hole somewhere, there has to be something "precious" down there.

As an investor, you don't even need a geologist to translate the news because they can't. Never mind that Canadian mining regulations known as National Instrument 43-101, instituted three years ago, state that disclosure should be done with "the use of plain language."

Who can use plain language in the midst of a junior mining boom?

The shareholders of Goldeye Explorations (GGT-TSX Venture) didn't seem to be complaining recently when the company put out this release on its Timmins, Ont., project.

The Goldeye story, under the headline 'Tyrrell Twp. Hole H-03-06 Intersects 12.5m of 5.81 g/5 Au including 9.4M of 7.24 g/t Au at Lacarte North Zone,' stated that "10 of the 12 holes intersected the targeted carbonatized zone with altered basalts and komatiites and an adjacent mineralized zone in highly altered brecciated flesic tuff/sediment."

The Goldeye stock was so happy it leaped 50 per cent on the news.

Releases for U.S. mining companies lack the thunder of their Canadian counterparts because the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission has more stringent reporting rules. Vancouver-based Silver Standard Resources (SSO-TSXV), one of the high-flying silver plays, recently trumpeted some knockout numbers, but then, because the company shares also trade in the U.S., a disclaimer broke out right in the middle of the release.

"U.S. investors are cautioned not to assume that any part or all of the mineral deposits in the measured mineral resources and indicated mineral resources categories will ever be converted into reserves."

Of course, we're a little more laidback in Canada, so we can even "think" in press releases.

A junior named Matamec Exploration (MAT-TSXV) recently summarized its exploration results by stating that "it is plausible to think that these (gold) showings may be enriched at the junction . . ."

The wheels on junior mining stocks are also being greased by starry-eyed crystal-ball gazers such as Jim Dines of the U.S.-based Dines Letter, who recently told host Michael Campbell on Corus radio's Money Talks that "it wouldn't surprise me if (the gold price) reached $3,000 to $5,000 US per ounce" from its recent $425 US range.

He didn't specify whether that would be in this millennium or the next one.

Is $5,000 gold possible?

Well, as a junior miner might say, "it is plausible to think" that it can happen.

SAGE WORDS: "Siberia will dominate (as an investment hotbed) in the next century."

– Jim Dines, the Dines Letter, on the Money Talks radio program.

Mr. Dines, we promise to call you if you're wrong.




HOT STOCK: CHAI-NA-TA CORP.
CC-TSX $1.37
Up 67 cents (+95.7%) on 313,100 shares (for week ending Jan. 16).
The TSX wanted an explanation for Chai-Na-Ta's one-day, thank-goodness-it's-Friday double on 298,000 shares after the stock traded a measly 15,000 shares the previous four days combined. The Langley, B.C., distributor of ginseng products announced it had nothing to announce. Well, it could be El Niño . . .



COLD STOCK: RIO NARCEA GOLD MINES
RNG-TSX $3.15
Down $1.09 (-25.7%) on 13,713,100 shares
This happens to 10-baggers. Rio has been one of the smash hits on the solid-gold bull market, gaining almost 1,000 per cent in a two-year span but, with the gold price plunging, Rio led the run down. The Spain-based company produced 174,125 ounces of gold in 2003 at $135 per ounce from its Spanish and Portuguese operations and forecasts 200,000 ounces for 2004.