We continue to be force-fed screaming headlines about corporate and accounting investigations in business sections of daily newspapers, but is anybody listening?

In a recent line story, the Globe and Mail trumpeted a story with the following headline: SEC PROBE PUTS CLOUD OVER BIOVAIL.

Pardon me while I stifle a yawn.

Are we shocked?

Are we horrified?

Are we angry?

No. Not anymore. We've been there. Done that. When you've seen enough wrecks, eventually you stop rubbernecking.

Stock market scandals continue to make boldfaced headlines, but they aren't getting boldfaced attention. Investors have been punched silly by the bad actors inside corporate boardrooms for so long that they've become immune to the dirty deeds of these shysters and crooks.

As investors, we are like a grizzled, puffy-eyed heavyweight boxer who refuses to buckle under the pounding. We have developed jaws of iron to withstand the constant battering. Our legs may feel like jelly and we may be hanging on the ropes, but you can't get us off our feet.

Call it the George Chuvalo market, after the great Canadian heavyweight.

So the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission is deepening its investigation of accounting at Biovail Corp., the Canadian drugmaker that trades on the TSX and NYSE.

Perhaps we should be appalled at this "earth-shaking" news. But we're not. We shrug along with a stock market that gives Biovail (TSX:BVF) and its chairman, Eugene Melnyk, a mild seven-per-cent spanking on the news.

C'mon, Mr. Market, give us something harder, something juicier. Take your best shot. This is no glass chin here. That many public companies are accounting-challenged is not real news anymore.

While Nortel Networks (TSX:NT) has continued its marathon charade of accounting catchup, shares in the company have come to life recently and shown signs of a resurgence. The fact is that investors have become bored silly with those stories about Nortel's earnings restatements.

We've seen so many trainwrecks that not even the Bernie Ebbers trial is getting much more than a passing glance. Even if Ebbers, the Edmonton-born, 63-year-old former CEO of WorldCom Inc., were to be convicted of conspiracy to commit fraud and received the maximum sentence of 85 years for his role in this $11-billion accounting scandal, we would go out on a limb and predict he would get off easy. Which is to say that he would not serve the full sentence, much to the chagrin of the thousands of investors who went down with the telecommunications company.

Remember all the hand-wringing geniuses who were predicting that Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia (NYSE:MSO) was doomed when Martha went to jail for lying about a stock sale?

Well, the homemaking diva went to jail a millionaire with a black eye and was released recently a billionaire flashing a grin wider than her sprawling 153-acre estate home in Katonah, N.Y.

During her five months in the slammer, stock in Martha Stewart 'Jailhouse' Living more than doubled to reach the $1 billion US range. Since she was convicted, the stock has tripled.

Apparently, crime does pay.

Now that she's out, maybe it's time to short the stock. Ironically, on the day of her release, Martha Stewart Living stock took a $3 haircut.

The most enduring scandal recently in Canada has been over an investigation into the affairs at a hedge fund company, Portus Alternative Asset Management.

Considering 26,000 clients of Portus have been left hanging during the investigation, this is pretty major stuff. But are we surprised? No. It's something that you almost expect, considering the enormous growth of a mutual fund industry marred by greed, arrogance and questionable trading tactics.

Investors should be hopping mad over allegations of improper trading in mutual funds in Canada. No less than five Canadian companies - Franklin Templeton Investment Corp., Investors Group, CI Mutual Funds, AFG Funds and AIC Ltd. - have reached settlements with the Ontario Securities Commission in recent months for permitting improper trading in their funds.

Yet, I know people who invest with these companies who are totally oblivious to the OSC probe into these matters. A few years ago, corporate malfeasance would rock the stock market and trigger violent bouts of panic selling. But today's investor, like Chuvalo, hardly bats an eyelash while the pounding continues. It's going to take a real haymaker to knock them off their feet. Another Enron, perhaps?

* RAGING ENERGY BULL: Calgary energy analyst Josef Schachter is forecasting a near-term correction in oil and gas stocks and commodity prices, but believes the current bull market is far from over with about three to five more years to run.

"Before this cycle is over, I'm thinking that we could see 500-plus for the S&P/TSX Energy Index (from a recent level of 239) and there's potential for it to run as high as 700," says the president of Schachter Asset Management. "Right now, the industry is spending $180 billion (US) worldwide and we're still not replacing declines (in oil supplies). Unless you believe that China and India aren't going to continue to grow at better than six- to eight-per-cent rates, the case is pretty strong for increasing energy demand."

Schachter was the Edge's top stock picker the past two years, based on his uncanny knack for identifying emerging junior oil and gas companies.

Five months ago, Schachter made a little-known oil and gas play named Accrete Energy (TSX:GZ) one of his top picks in the Pro's 3 Stars column. That stock is up 234.1 per cent. His other oil and gas pick then was Devlan Energy (TSX:DXI), which is up 35.7 per cent. Ironically, his biggest home run came with a mining pick, Tyler Resources (TSXV:TYS), a copper play that has exploded for a return of 344.4 per cent. Although these stocks have accumulatively tripled in five months, Schachter continues to recommend them. For Schachter's most recent picks, see Page 21.

* SAGE WORDS: "I just wish I were the nicest, nicest, nicest person on Earth, but I am a business person."

- Martha Stewart on Larry King Live

HOT STOCK: Sulliden Exploration
Sulliden Exploration TSX:SUE $1.03
Up 28 cents (+37.3%) on 1.8 million shares (based on weekly stats through March 10 for Canadian stocks over $1)
Junior precious metals mining companies such as Sulliden have been slowly coming back into favour after spending several months in the doghouse. Montreal-based Sulliden mustered a brisk rally as investors awaited drilling results from the company's gold/silver properties in Peru. It could be a dead-cat bounce, but what the heck. Even a dead cat looks good to gold bugs these days.

COLD STOCK: Adulis Resources
TSXV:ADE $2.47
Down $1.53 (-38.2%) on 2.1 million shares (based on weekly stats through March 10 for Canadian stocks over $1)
For a while there, we were beginning to think that oil and gas stocks only went up - until the March 10 carnage provided a wakeup call. Investors finally started to put the boots to those oil and gas juniors that have been defying gravity for so long. Adulis shares absorbed the most pain after tripling in recent months, fuelling speculation that disappointing drilling results may be in the cards from the Calgary company's Colombian operations.