Long before Domenic Mancuso met his future wife, he drafted a list of attributes he wanted in a partner.

The idea was that if he got swept up in the heat of a new relationship, he could refer to his checklist. It was a safeguard against doing something foolish, based purely on emotion.

"I'd written down a few physical things, but they weren't deal- breakers," Mancuso recalls. "Mostly I was looking for things around character."

When Mrs. Right came along - "and she was pretty" - Mancuso showed her the list. Not only was it affirming for him, but also it gave his future bride, Annette, the confidence that he was smitten for all the right reasons.

Domenic Mancuso

In life, and in the workplace, says Mancuso, such self-discipline is critical in achieving success. Recently, as managing director of the Petroleum Institute for Continuing Education, based in Calgary, he addressed the topic of discipline in the institute's monthly newsletter.

The institute (www.peice.com) is a privately held training organization for petroleum industry workers and managers. While it holds seminars, workshops and online training on a variety of technical issues, Mancuso confesses his passion is for understanding and teaching the 'soft' skills associated with life.

In his article, and later in an interview, he talked about some key areas in which he believes self-control benefits a person's situation.

"To be successful, we need self'-discipline," he says. "But I don't think a lot of people know what to do to be successful."

For example, the world tells people to promote themselves - in fact, to over-promote themselves. But Mancuso believes all that really does is turn people off.

Instead, he believes that employers are attracted to people who are hard workers and go about their business. Be diligent, be continuous learners and do things that are out of your comfort zone, he says. And don't be afraid to try things where you might fail, although be sure the organization supports employees who do this.

"It's how we learn ... where innovation and ideas come from. The smart ones are those who look back and find out why they failed."

In the workplace, Mancuso cites some key areas in which discipline will help a person's progress. They include:

* Controlling our emotions. Do people express themselves emotionally and inappropriately in the workplace? More careers have been killed from lack of emotional discipline than anything else, Mancuso says. Feelings are important, but it's foolish to blurt out everything we feel, and to anyone who will listen.

If you're mad, count to 1,000. If you've been overlooked for a promotion, take some time to step back and evaluate if you've done everything to deserve it, he adds.

And if someone takes credit for your good idea, don't run to the boss. While the natural reaction is to challenge the person, let it go. Employers who pay attention will understand what's happening - and if they aren't watching, you may be in the wrong company.

* Watch what you say. Is what you say helpful, encouraging, solution-oriented, truthful, positive and constructive?

If not, don't say anything. Mancuso says people aren't impressed with those gifted in "problem-finding."

* Invest your time wisely. Are you getting bogged down planning, communicating and meeting with people? Most of us are, and it's often non-productive. It's important that people evaluate what they do and fill their schedules accordingly.

Anecdotally, Mancuso says he's wanted to lose weight for some time. While it's an ongoing project, he has noticed that if he takes the time and effort to eat healthy foods first, there is little room left for unhealthy and fattening alternatives.

Likewise, people who schedule proper activities leave little time for activities that don't contribute to the main objective.

* Manage your health. Good eating habits and regular exercise boost energy and productivity. The workplace would be much more productive if employees were all allowed to go for a brisk 45-minute walk each day.

It if sounds like a weird idea, try it for a month and document the results, Mancuso says.

Just like drafting a list of characteristics for a prospective wife, he adds, it's important to understand why setting a template for personal discipline is important.

To illustrate, think about the individual who is passed over for a promotion. "It's rare that when someone gets promoted, that the other person is genuinely happy," he says. "It's rare that someone says, 'That was a good decision, I may not be ready.' " Only a minority of people have the discipline to respond that way. But a person who evaluates his or her position - and asks for appropriate feedback - takes a much more positive step in his or her development.

That same attitude applies to when things are rosy. Mancuso says it's terribly easy to become self-assured, even cocky, when business is good. It's a time when people take things for granted, believing they have it all figured out. But rather than having the ongoing resolve to keep moving forward, they stagnate, often with disastrous results.

It's probably most obvious in marital relationships, he says. Although he acknowledges that he's far from perfect, Mancuso regularly asks his wife how he's doing as a husband. Does he spend enough time with her? Does he communicate clearly enough?

"I know that in a marriage, and you hear this all the time, that people go along thinking everything is fine. Then one day they come home and the furniture's gone. There's a note that says, 'I'm taking the kids. See you later.' " It's why he takes the initiative to always ask how he's faring.

It's not that difficult to do. It just takes self-discipline - in life, and the workplace.

(Mike Dempster can be reached at miked@businessedge.ca)