For several weeks, the geniuses on Wall Street and Bay Street have been feverishly pounding the drums for old-fashioned conservative, value investing.

People have to eat, so buy grocers, they bellowed. Buy brewers. Buy tobacco stocks. Buy discount retailers. Buy pipelines. And another thing: YOU’RE NUTS IF YOU BUY TECHS!!

If you bet on the smart money, you might have shown gains of up to five per cent in your portfolio in the past couple of months.

If you went nuts and followed the dumb money, betting on the battered but alluring tech sector and then cashing in some profits, you’re ordering a Brink’s Truck to carry the loot to the bank.

Which goes to show ya – the death of the tech investor has been greatly exaggerated, as has the wisdom of the smart money.

The tech stock player, like an ageless baseball player, can be struck out but never struck down. He craves the action and now he’s back in the game and swinging for the fences.t While Warren Buffett and Co. have been hitting boring old singles since the market bottom on Sept. 21, the tech players, who had been deader’n boo.com since the bubbly tech party of 1999-2000, have been bashing tape-measure home runs.

Since Sept. 21, one-time tech darlings such as Nortel Networks (NT-TSE) and Cisco Systems (CSCO-Nasdaq) have come off life support and almost doubled. JDS Uniphase (JDU-TSE) has surged 150 per cent.

More recently, the microtechs have picked up steam. Calgary-based techs Cell-Loc (CLQ-TSE) and Wi-Lan (WIN-TSE) have been on fire. Cell-Loc has surged to $2.28, a six-bagger if you caught it at its low of 38 cents.

Wi-Lan has run to $4, a four-bagger off its low of 93 cents.

On Nov. 19, a banner day for smaller tech companies, Unique Broadband Systems (UBS-CDNX) popped 70 per cent before lunch, prompting the securities commission to demand a press release explaining the move.

Of course, the company reported that it, like most of the other techs that have been rallying like mad, had nothing to report.

Many of these stocks haven’t had a compelling reason to rally, other than that some may have been oversold.

It’s enough to make a defensive money manager cry in his Molson beer (MOL-TSE, up about two per cent since Sept. 21).

Blue skies have had tech players out thumping their chests again and lighting up the chat boards with fish stories, oblivious to warnings from the Street that the Nasdaq, up 36 cent to 1,903 since the Sept. 21 bottom, could retest the lows before the bull market kicks in.

We know of one trader who has been gloating over Nortel’s recent revival.

This trader boasted about a year ago of buying Nortel on a dip at the “basement-bargain” price of $105.

However, here’s the reality of stock-market math: For this trader to make up a 94-per-cent loss, which Nortel showed at $7.50, the stock must gain not 94 per cent but 1,400 per cent!

But keep that under your hat.

You wouldn’t want to go and spoil all the fun for the tech player, would you? * STREET TALK: Surprise, surprise, surprise . . .

According to a survey of 2,300 U.S. investors commissioned by Merrill Lynch, less than one in five advisers were doing their jobs by contacting investors when the going got tough after Sept. 11.

* LAUGHING OUT LOUD: Edmonton Oilers’ CEO Patrick LaForge and Calgary Flames’ CEO Ken King actually tried to put a positive spin on the Alberta Scratch Ticket Lottery that is expected to generate a piddling $1 million to $1.5 million a year for the NHL teams.

Hey, guys, why get into cahoots with the government bookie for chicken feed? Why not just hold an old-fashioned bottle drive?

* CALL RIPLEY’S: Believe it or not, there was a high-profile initial public offering on the TSE with Shoppers Drug Mart (SC-TSE). But what a bust. The IPO sold for $18 a share but the stock closed its debut week at $17.18.

* CHEERS: To veteran investment guru Ralph Zielsdorf of Calgary-based wealth management firm Zielsdorf Financial, who has been honoured as Prairies Region Adviser of the Year.

* JEERS: To private CEOs of public companies who sidestep interview requests while pulling down in excess of $1 million annually in salary and incentives to represent the company and its shareholders.

* SAGE ADVICE: “It’s easier to make money in a good market because the downside risks are much lower. If you can minimize the downside risk, you have won half the battle.” - Andrew Sarlos, the one-time Buddha of Bay Street.

HOT ALBERTA STOCK: Cell-LOC

CLQ-TSE $2.28

Up 75 cents (+49%) on 2,338,500 shares (for week ending Nov. 23).

Cell-Loc gets the nod two weeks in a row! It's Canada's hottest tech stock. With rapidly increasing volume and the price almost tripling in two weeks, this is no ordinary feel-good rally. You've got to figure something's up with the Calgary-based wireless-location company. If not, look out below!

COLD ALBERTA STOCK: Pure Technologies

PUR-CDNX 85 Cents

Down 25 cents (-22.7%) on 10,100 shares (for week ending Nov. 23).

While most tech stocks have been on the rebound, Pure's stock continues to languish near its year low of 83 cents, despite recent financials showing an operating profit of $221,000 in the quarter ending Sept. 30. The company has a SoundPrint technology for real-time continuous surveillance of large structures.