There is good news, but also some disturbing findings, about how people in today’s workplace cope with marital and relationship issues.

According to a review published earlier this year, more people are using employee assistance programs (EAP).

Instead of taking the separation and divorce route, they are trying to solve their problems.

The bad news is, that when the vast majority of people (more than 90 per cent) seek help, they are already suffering from acute levels of stress. It’s the kind of stress that shows itself in symptoms that include anxiety, depression, chronic sleep deprivation, daily headaches and back pain, and in worst-case scenarios, suicidal thoughts.

Gerry Smith

“It caused me to gulp when I saw the final results about stress levels . . . because this is not where people should be,” says Gerry Smith, VP organizational health at Warren Shepell Consultants Corp.

Smith, a therapist, took part in Shepell’s study that reviewed 40,026 cases of people who used employee assistance programs between 2000 and 2002. These people were seeking help with marital or relationship problems.

According to Smith, these problems comprise close to 30 per cent of EAP cases that Shepell handles. It’s a number that has been consistent in recent years and Smith said the idea was to find out about the problem in more depth.

Armed with the information, especially about stress levels, Smith has a message for employers: “You can’t underestimate what your own employees are dealing with in their lives outside of work.”

Employers must understand that what happens outside the workplace affects the company in some manner. It may manifest itself in absenteeism, reduced productivity or through what’s known as presenteeism (where the employee is at work but is unfocused, making mistakes and unable to concentrate on the job at hand).

Smith’s recommendation is that managers stay alert and provide the supportive services that employees need. Ensure that staff know about the company’s EAP, and run lunch-and-learns on relationship issues such as dealing with a “broken” spouse or a family that is going through a separation and divorce. Good information about health and wellness can be invaluable to employees, promoting common-sense solutions that help alleviate problems. Employers must also realize they bear some responsibility for relationship issues. Anecdotally speaking, Smith says the workplace can contribute to marital/relationship problems.

Expectations on the employee and the time and effort they must put into their job to be productive and credible are higher than 10 years ago.

Smith explains that the average Canadian works 45 to 50 hours a week. Thirty-five per cent of Canadian women put off having families because of their job. And 40 per cent of Canadian men don’t want children because of their job. “That doesn’t bode well for relationship issues,” Smith says. “We can’t compartmentalize our lives. We can’t go home and turn off work. Sixty per cent of our waking hours are at work, or thinking about work.”

Smith suggests that employers create workplaces that allow employees to go home and spend quality time with their spouses and families.

The review by Shepell included married couples, people living common law, those in gay and lesbian relationships, and people in relationships that were more casual, such as dating and friendships.

In virtually all cases, people sought EAP help because they were having problems, not because they wanted to enrich their relationships.

The review classified the cases into three groups: people seeking help (74 per cent); people in stages of separation/divorce (23 per cent); and domestic violence issues (three per cent).

The survey didn’t ask why nearly three in four cases were trying to resolve their problems. But Smith ventures that financial and emotional costs may be a factor.

The review noted other interesting trends, most likely related to demographics. Child-related issues are declining, while life-transition and communication issues are rising.

“As a therapist, I’d say that the lack of ability to communicate is the biggest cause for relationship breakdowns. So I’m pleased that more people are seeking help to improve their communication problems.”

People who work long demanding days don’t want to come home and have a deep conversation, one that can be difficult and emotional.

Smith explains that while the study’s results about rising stress levels are disturbing, we shouldn’t be surprised.

When his company conducts stress tests, about 70 per cent of employees are experiencing acute levels, similar results to the marital/relationships study.

It’s a complicated picture, telling Smith that “a lot of walking wounded” are out there.

“That, for me, is really disturbing,” he says. “The stress we are seeing in the workplace is reflected in the homes of countless thousands of people across the country.”

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