If David Tuer or any other of the millions of “resigned-for-personal-reasons” CEOs calls for an exclusive interview regarding my resignation from reading stupid press releases, I’m hiding under the covers.
Two can play that game.
I’ll get my press agent to write the standard two-word public-company press release: “Personal reasons.”
Translated from CEO speak, it means no comment.
After three weeks of wild speculation, I’ll come out of hiding and quote the master himself, David “Only-His-Hairdresser-Knows-For-Sure-Why-He-Quit” Tuer, at a press conference.
“It was a personal decision that may have seemed sudden simply because when the decision was made, the decision was made.”
Indeed, those were the words of enlightenment from Tuer recently when he finally spoke about his earth-shaking resignation from PanCanadian Energy.
Brilliant.
This is how it works in the big leagues. This is how the big leaguers play the game. You confuse the hell out of shareholders and, if you’re an oil giant, the stock survives (except in the minds of some writers with fluorescent imaginations).
Those two magic words – personal reasons – carry a lot of weight in the corporate world. They can fell giant Redwoods as the lowly inkstains speculate in print on the reasons for the CEO’s untimely departure.
They can cause shareholders to throw hissy fits and reduce chatboarders named Wildcatwillie and Monkeytongue to childish sparring and knocking each other out with coconuts.
Although securities commissions frown on lack of disclosure by public companies, major corporations could care less if you’ve pawned your wife’s jewelry to buy the stock of the company whose CEO resigned for “personal reasons.”
It is rare that shareholders get the straight goods. For public consumption, bosses rarely get fired or leave in a huff.
They leave with comical press releases: “Buggy Whips Dot Com is pleased to announce quarterly net losses of $18 billion and, by the way, Don Debt, the chief financial officer, has resigned for personal reasons.”
Of course, the press release never goes on to explain that Debt was having an affair with the CEO’s daughter, who was the COO’s wife and granddaughter of the chairman of the board who is the godfather of the CFO.
While the oilpatch was rife with rumours over Tuer’s untimely departure and his appointment later as board chairman of the Calgary Health Region, he’s not alone.
The U.S. media has been having a field day with the recent resignation of Enron Corp. CEO Jeffrey Skilling for personal reasons.
Skilling poured gas on the blaze with this gem: “This has nothing whatsoever to do with Enron. I love Enron!”
Extensive research has unearthed a couple of CEOs who actually left for professional reasons!
Chinese Internet company Sina.com announced that Wang Zhidong resigned for “personal reasons” but Zhidong wasn’t taking it.
“I’m utterly shocked and confused that they said I left for personal reasons,” Zhidong said in setting the record straight. “I was forced out!”
Then there’s George T. Shaheen, who was brutally honest in explaining his resignation as CEO of the online grocer Webvan.
“A different kind of executive is needed to lead the company at this time and, as such, it no longer makes sense for me to continue in my role,” he said.
Wow!
Betcha George T. Shaheen sleeps well at night.
* STREET TALK: While Finance Minister Paul Martin dances around questions over a record-low loonie, Merrill Lynch senior economist Robert Spector paints a bleak picture.
“Capital outflows, weak commodities, heightened global risks and the growing view that the Canadian economy will underperform the U.S. over the next few quarters will hit the Canadian dollar near-term,” says Spector. “At the end of the day, the Canadian dollar is a cyclical, high-beta animal that will likely only regain its footing when the global economy clouds part and risk recedes.”
* FOR CRYING OUT LOUD: Air Canada CEO Robert Milton goes to great lengths to blame everything but Air Canada for its national embarrassment. How’s this guy keep his job?
* CALL RIPLEYS: Believe it or not, Calgary’s jock station, The Team 960, has a business feature, starring a former Calgary sports writer, David Steinhart, as the ‘stock-market guru.’ The National Post scribe recently reported on The Team that Nortel Networks had “stability.” And I think he was serious!
* CHEERS: To a man who pays $835 million US for new underwear. Yup, Warren Buffett, true to his philosophy buying companies when everyone else hates them, bought Fruit Of The Loom.
* JEERS: To Bay Street for its tardiness in paying attention to phenomenal western growth stories such as Calgary’s BW Technologies.
* SAGE ADVICE: “I’m sure we’re in a recession, probably a relatively deep and extended one, but they are part of business life and we are prepared. In short, you do the managing and I’ll do the worrying.”
- Buffett, in a letter to his Berkshire Hathaway operating managers.
HOT ALBERTA STOCK: PROPRIETARY INDUSTRIES INC.
PPI-TSE $1.92
Up 37 cents (+23.9%) on 121,400 shares (for week ending Nov. 2).
There are two schools of thought here. If you bought Proprietary shares nine months ago, this pop may not have a lot of fizz to it as the stock is still down 62 per cent since February. But if you purchased a month ago at the bottom, you're sitting on a two-bagger. Calgary-based Proprietary owns and manages a portfolio of financial, natural resources and real-estate assets.
COLD ALBERTA STOCK: ANTHONY CLARK INTERNATIONAL INSURANCE BROKERS
ACL-TSE $1.00
Down 25 cents (-20.0%) on 45,400 shares (for week ending Nov. 2).
The tech stocks get a well-deserved week off from this space. Enjoy the week, gang. See you next week? The respite comes courtesy Anthony Clark. This Calgary-based insurance brokerage was plummeting – from a high of $9 – long before other insurance stocks plunged in the aftermath of the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks in the United States.
